For me, the similarities of sex and war

Reside within the need for fury and planning –

And there’s always a need for a little bit more

Ammunition, artillery, and skirmish-field planning.


I’m not saying that sex is a battle

Fought between two opposing forces –

But it should, like a tank, shake the bed to rattle,

And make you pant like Calvary horses.


For the bed is a lot like Normandy beach,

Each thrust, a boot, dropped on the sand –

So we moan out loud “Into the breach!”

And try to make our partners do as we command.


There’s a constant mission – Rip off her dress –

For what lies beneath is softer than satin,

But to conquer it takes more than just skill at chess,

You need the cunning and speed of General Patton.


Though there’s more than just one essential point to capture –

There are different locations you need to pommel;

So, if you really want victory, that surging rapture,

You’ve got to multi-task like ‘The Desert Fox’ Rommel.


And you can’t give up, never surrender –

Fuck for you life, like you’re in the streets of Stalingrad;

Be you either the attacker, or the defender,

Perseverance will yield the best sex you’ve ever had.


Reword what Churchill said, when spoke he of conflict –

Keep going – “however long and hard the road may be”.

And if you’re in charge, remember to be strict,

Because it works pretty well for my paramour and me.


Although learn from the mistakes of defeats long past,

And don’t let your pride overwhelm your doubt –

While you should be dedicated, vehement, and steadfast,

Don’t be like Hitler, know when to pull out.

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