I met a gal with a clit like a bean
Which was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.
And I wanted to fuck her
Right in her tight pucker
‘Till I found out she was only sixteen.
I met a prophet to the goddess Jove
Who welcomed me into her sacred grove.
She joked “Beware of Harpies”
Though she should’ve said ‘herpes’
‘Cause my cock now burns like it’s on a stove.
What started as an innocent kiss
Boiled to lust I couldn’t dismiss.
So my silver-tongued mouth
Went further down South,
And I ate her holes like a slice of Swiss.
I took this iron rod I was dealt
And from it, tried to some words smelt –
Now in my possession
I hold this question:
“Would you mind choking me with a belt?”
I met a fella’ named Darby Cooper
He was a British army trooper –
So down in Bristol,
He took his pistol,
And fired six shots up my pooper
Like a mathematician I’ll tally
Each time you make my cock up’n’rally
And like Lewis and Clark
In the daylight or dark
I’ll explore your American valley
I heard the clock go “tock’a’tick”
As I made my member nice and slick
Then I stuck my thin needle
Right up his stink-beetle
And he shouted “Oh my! What a prick!”
With some charm and my Southern look
And what little breath she hasn’t took,
Despite difference in age
I’ll flip open a page
And shove my face into her book
I’m sure the librarian will vouch
That while you and I sat on that couch
If it weren’t for the pants
My fingers would dance
Right into your sweet little pouch.